Planet Dog
A Doglopedia
Tanya A. Brown

"Hey, think of a question about dogs," I invited my husband. My long-anticipated copy of Planet Dog had arrived, 351 pages abrim with doggy factoids.

I'd first heard of the book the previous year when, nine months pregnant and as sluggish as the goo in the bottom of the vegetable drawer, I'd been contacted by one of the book's authors. Could they use something I'd written in a book?

No problem, I replied, then I proceeded to nitpick them to death about copyright statements and other gobbledegook. Several emails later, I was satisfied, the authors had been driven to distraction, and I was off to the hospital to deliver the baby.

Now, one eventful year later, here was the book. I quickly thumbed through it to confirm the presence of my "Cheap and Easy Dog Bed" blurb. Yes, there it was on page 311, sandwiched between Dealing With Doggy Stains (page 310) and Why Dogs Chase Their Tails (page 312). Even more thrilling was finding Dave Barry's "Deep Thoughts on Dog Behavior" on page 313, only one slender page away from me. Perhaps I should drop the great man a letter? After all, we were practically neighbors.

My husband's voice jarred me from this thrilling rumination.

"Um, okay," he replied , "Why do dogs really bark at mailmen? Is it the funny uniforms, their owners' unhappiness at getting bills and junk mail ...?"

Even though this was a silly question - what else was a bored dog supposed to do? - I pawed through the book. Nothing was listed under mailmen or postal workers. However, page 262 did give a list of the postal districts reporting the most dog bites. Hmm. Interesting, but not quite what we were looking for.

"Give me another question," I demanded.

"Okay. What are some of the weirdest things that dogs can smell?"

This time I had a better luck. The index had listings under smell, although the oddest thing I was found was an otter. A bit disappointing given that there are dogs that can smell cancer.

I decided to discard this approach and thumb through the book at random. "Hey," I announced, "Page 213 has a list of the ten gassiest dogs, and German Shepherds come in at number one. Now we're talking!"

My husband absorbed this for a moment. "Shouldn't they be giving the results in terms of emissions per pound? It isn't really fair to compare a Saint Bernard to a Chihuahua. German Shepherds, though, they're smart dogs. They're probably smart enough to think passing gas is funny. I can see one coming in, cutting a fart, and wagging its tail. I'll bet the ones in the K-9 units are really bad."

Observations like this are one of many reasons I never tire of his company.

I continued to thumb through the book. Page 209 listed the top 22 droolers. Page 4 listed four children who'd been raised by dogs. These were exactly the sorts of things I'd wonder about if I weren't continually sleep-deprived, and if I wanted to learn about dog history, care, or breeds, the book had that too.

The text was also peppered with illustrations and pithy quotes, like "Money will buy you a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the wag of his tail." Truly, this was worthy of the subtitle "a doglopedia".

"This would make a pretty good gift for a dog-lover," I told my husband, "but if you want one for your sister you're going to have to buy your own darned copy."