Style: Bad Breath

Thanks to all of you who responded to our Bad Breath survey. Here are the nasal-passage clearing results!

We asked:

• What are your favorite ways to get bad breath?
• How do you use this powerful social tool?

The top choices:

The results of the survey seem to be particularly well expressed by the sentiment of one respondent: "Garlic! The only way to go. Fresh garlic!"

Cool combos:

• "I neglect to brush my teeth in the morning and have a nice raw onion sandwich for breakfast:-)"
• "Eat kimchee, a highly spiced Korean food usually made with cabbage, always with hot pepper, onions, and lots and lots of garlic. Delicious!"
• "Garlic & cheese carp fritters"
• "Pickled garlic and coffee"
• "First, eat a large limburger cheese pizza, loaded with garlic cloves and strong onions. Eat a side of onion rings, too!"
• "Eat onions and garlic. Drink coffee and smoke cigarettes."
• "Eat pasta with heaps of garlic,all along washing it down with plenty of red wine. Then its outside for lots of coffee and cigarettes."
• "I keep a quart jar of garlic bits, and I use it liberally in my morning omelets."
• Sleep at night by breathing through my mouth, or by eating rancid foods."
• "Eat garlic and curry and don't brush."

Honest answer:

• "I don't have to do anything special."

How you use it:

The Innovators:

• "Personal enjoyment"
• "to fight evildoers and preserve peace"
• "open drains"
• "fighting dragons"
• "ward off evil spirits"
• "to scare small children"
• "keep my students away from me"
• "To keep the aisle and middle seats empty on airplanes!"
• "to get seats in a crowded movie theatre"
• "To hide effects of cigarette smoking."
• "Reminder to brush teeth"
  

• "To get my dog to play with me"
• "It keeps the dogs from breathing in my face because they won't come near me."
• "tease dog"
• "keeps the dog away"
  

Enhance relationships with loved ones:

• "to cancel out hubby's morning breath."
• "to keep my husband away from me"
• "to get my man to get away from me when I am tired"
• "to scare my sister"
• "I BREATH ON MY BROTHER"
• "say good morning keeping my wife away"

• "I use it on my boyfriend when he's tickling me!"
  

Privacy & protection:

• "To fend off potential assailants."
• "to keep creepy people away"
• "For fending off weirdies."
• "ward off nasty boys" (Editor's note: it was unclear whether the respondent is at an age where all boys are "nasty")
• "I breath on someone who is bugging me"
• "Get rid of unwanted houseguests"
• "keep people away, keep people at a distance"
• "Scaring off door to door sales reps who have made appointments early in the morning. (before noon)"
• " Keeps people I know from cornering me at the grocery store"
• " Keeps missionaries away. (Works on some salesmen, too, if they're them big-city types what eat toothpaste and drink mouthwash.)"
  

Business/workplace use:

• "To shorten that after lunch meeting"
• "I really hate most of my coworkers. Need I say more?"
• "get even with coworkers"
• "To keep annoying coworkers at bay"
• "If I have to work late too much, or I have to attend too many long boring meetings, I amuse myself by torturing others with my breath. It also rids the table of overattentive waiters."
• "Just respond to someone who you do not feel like associating with at the moment with a very breathy "H-hhhi! H-hhhow are you-hhh doing righhht nohhhw? Oh-hhh, s-sssure, I-'hhhll be thehhhre!" And make sure you are right in their faces. Hee hee hee!"