At the beginning of each year, we humans feel
compelled to commit to unrealistic behavior changes or make outrageous
vows which we can't possibly keep. Then, when we fall off the wagon, we
feel guilty.
It's time to stop that nonsense!
We've compiled a list of resolutions which most
people should be able to comply with. We suggest that you print this list
out, tick off the ones which appeal to you most, and stick the list on
the fridge. In six months, check back and see how well you've succeeded.
Ahhhh - now doesn't that feel better?
I, ______________________, do hereby resolve to
....
avoid being crapped on by birds.
leave stacks of dirty dishes in the kitchen sink.
breathe.
drink beer and eat chips while watching football.
wear clothing in public.
wear aftershave/cologne/perfume which is much too strong.
not change the oil in my vehicle every 15000 miles.
play mindless video games in my spare time.
watch trashy television shows.
not dust the furniture.
wear clothing which is unflattering.
drive an automobile that has wheels.
keep opened jars of mayonnaise in the refrigerator.
occasionally get in disagreements with my spouse.
get annoyed when somebody else finishes off the ice cream.
watch public television without contributing to it financially.
wad up damp towels and leave them to mildew on the floor.
not dust the furniture.
wear my hair in a style last popular when I was in high school.
not mow my grass until it's at least a foot tall.
look for ways to minimize my income taxes.
ogle attractive people when I think my spouse isn't looking.
work at an unsatisfying job and gripe about it.
leave my dirty underwear in piles by the bed.
lie to my dentist when he/she asks if I've been flossing.
fantasize about being wealthy.
(fill in the blank) _______________________________.
