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Style: Squash Yoga
Stanley the Anthropomorphic Squash shows us some of
the yoga poses which keep him serene and focussed even when faced with
the prospect of being sliced, breaded, and thrown in a frying pan. And
truly, don't we all feel as though we're about to be fried sometimes?
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"My Feet Are Stuck
This Way" Pose
Being a squash, Stanley can't quite do a full Lotus. Nevertheless,
this position is useful when you want to give the impression that
you're meditating rather than, say, ogling the unclothed sunbather
in the next yard over.
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"Dive into Carpet" Pose
This
one is particularly challenging to perform for those of us without
stems. Proceed with extreme caution.
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"Child after Tantrum" Pose
Scream. Alternately beat your
arms then your legs on the floor until exhausted. Feel your gut
sagging into the carpet. Take a deep cleansing breath: breath in
through your nose, then out through your mouth. Feel your nose fill
with dirt.
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"I'm
More Limber Than You Are" Pose
Unless you're as limber
as Stanley, you may need assistance in assuming this position. We
suggest heading to an ice skating rink and strapping a pillow to
your crotch.
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"Bug on Back" Pose
A
great position for soothing those tired back muscles and for checking
out the paint job on the ceiling. With arms and legs pointing helplessly
in the air, roll from side to side, back and forth in an ever increasing
frenzy, attempting to flip yourself right side up.
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"Oh, Dear"
Pose
Always check with a physician before
attempting physical activity - particularly if your legs are held
on by rubber bands. |
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