Style: Where to Vomit*

*Caution - Vomiting is a strenuous physical activity that may have health implications. Always consult your physician before beginning a new physical activity.

When it's time to vomit, most people turn to their toilet without thinking twice. But are there better choices? We had the opportunity to experiment during a recent flu outbreak. Here's what we discovered:

Toilet - Most of us grew up using this old standby and have never considered trying anything else. Its well-deserved popularity probably stems from the fact that it accepts almost any type of organic matter and tidies up with a single flush. But with those advantages come problems: most of us have to bend over in order to use it properly, and end up with an unpleasant stream exiting through our nose as a result. The whole experience can be very aesthetically displeasing, particularly when coupled with a toilet that hasn't been cleaned recently. Thinking about the proximity of others' fecal germs to our face often exacerbates the vomiting situation.

Sink - We found that a sink's height is just right when one is kneeling. With the bowl at face level, one can avoid ejecting material through one's nose, and water to rinse one's mouth out with is conveniently at hand. The sink is also aesthetically superior to the toilet - after all, no one defecates in it - and provides convenient hand holds. The one down side comes when one must eject particulate matter which is too large to go down the drain. The resulting cleanup effort is very unpleasant. We recommend the sink as the first choice when one is only vomiting liquids, such as after a pleasant evening of drinking.

Shower - Although one might think the shower combines the worst features of both the toilet and the sink with none of their advantages, we found it surprisingly pleasant to vomit in. True, the comparatively gentle slope of the floor ensures that drainage occurs slowly, but this disadvantage is more than offset by the fact that the stall provides a closed space where one needn't be too careful with one's aim. With the water turned on, cleaning of both the shower and oneself can occur during the vomiting session, which can be very refreshing.

Wastebasket - What the wastebasket lacks in style and substance, it makes up for in convenience. It is both portable and adjustable - great advantages for those impromptu puking sessions. With the addition of a plastic liner, cleanup becomes straightforward if not instantaneous. We predict that the wastebasket will enjoy more popularity as time goes on. However, we do recommend avoiding wicker.

Tips - n- Tricks:

We don't know of anyone who enjoys vomiting, but there are some things which can be done to improve the experience:

• Loved ones will naturally be concerned about your well being. Let them share in the experience by making as much noise as possible, particularly in the middle of the night.
  

• Life is ephemeral. Each stage, no matter how unpleasant, should be fully savored. You may find that loud cursing, moaning, or praying to various deities will help you focus on the moment.
  

• Vomiting is not about being physically ill. It is an embodiment of the age old struggle between good and evil, and a reminder of forces greater than mere humanity. Remember this when you lose.
  

• While vomiting, avoid thinking about whatever it was that you ate.